How to Talk About Debt in a Relationship Without Fighting

Talking about debt in a relationship can feel as nerve-wracking as defining 'what we are' in the early days—do you remember when Meta-formerly-known-as-Facebook made you pick a relationship status, and the wrong choice could send you straight into a spiral?? "In a Relationship" too soon Yikes. "It's Complicated" Even WORSE. Leaving it blank? Now you're really in trouble 😭 

Avoiding the money talk doesn’t make financial stress disappear. It tends to make it worse. If you’re building a life together, open conversations about debt aren’t optional—they’re non-negotiable. So why are 2 in 5 keeping financial secrets from their partners?

Debt isn’t a moral failing or a secret to hide. the sooner you stop treating it like a shame spiral and start tackling it together, the stronger your relationship (and your bank account) will be.

What matters now is how you handle it as a team.

How to Start the Conversation About Debt Without Making It Weird

There’s never a perfect time to bring up debt, but waiting until you’re signing a lease or planning a wedding isn’t it. The goal here is transparency—not an ambush. So instead of dropping a “We need to talk” bomb, try something that invites your partner into the conversation, not out of it:

💬 “Hey, I want us to feel good about money together. Can we talk about where we’re at financially?”

💬 “I know money can be a stressful topic, but I want us to be on the same page. Can we have an open convo about where we’re at financially?”

💬 “I want us to feel solid when it comes to money—not just individually, but as a team. Can we check in on where we stand with debt and our financial goals?”

This keeps things open-ended and non-judgmental. The key is to make it a conversation, not a confession. No shame, no defensiveness—just honesty.

The Questions That Actually Matter

Once you’re talking, don’t turn it into an interrogation- this is a money talk, not a financial deposition. Instead, ask questions that get to the why behind your partner’s financial choices.

✔️ How do you feel about your debt? About mine?
✔️ What’s your biggest financial goal?
✔️ On a scale of 1-10, how confident do you feel managing money?

Real financial transparency is about laying out all the cards, but not just the credit cards. The emotional, ancestral; why we make the choices we make - kind of cards. It’s knowing how they think, feel, and stress about money.

We created a list of our top money questions to discuss with a partner or spouse- you can download them here. 

Tackling Debt as a Team (Without Losing Your Minds)

Debt can feel like a weight, but it’s a lot lighter when you’re both carrying it. Here’s a few tips on how to approach paying off debt together:  

💰 Decide how you want to handle it. Are you paying things off separately? Combining finances? There’s no one-size-fits-all—just what works for both of you. 

📊 Play to your strengths. If one of you thrives on spreadsheets, let them take the lead on budgeting while the other handles day-to-day spending. How can each partner feel included and have a sense of responsibility when it comes to your finances and joint goals?

📆 Set a money check-in date. Pick a time once a month to review progress, adjust plans, and actually talk about money—without blame or stress. 

🏆 Focus on a shared goal. Whether it’s wiping out a credit card balance, saving for a house, or finally taking that dream vacation, having a why makes the process way more motivating.

How to Support Each Other Without Losing Your Sanity

Talking about money isn’t a one and done convo. It’s an ongoing process, and not every check-in is going to be a feel-good, high-five moment. Some months will be more stressful than others. Unexpected expenses will pop up. And there will be times when one of you feels way more invested than the other.

Here’s the key:
🚫 No shaming.
🎉 Celebrate any and all progress. The small wins truly add up!
💖 Remember why you’re doing this together.

Debt isn’t a sign of failure—it’s just a challenge to navigate. And when you tackle it as a team, you’re not just working toward financial freedom. You’re building a stronger, more honest, actually-on-the-same-page relationship.

And that? That’s priceless. Start the conversation today with our Financial Transparency Questions.